Ok I'm kidding, I believe in equality. That was just a funky introduction to the first part of today's post, which might not be sucha happy read. Or something to that extent.

Well my mom had to undergo a minor operation, like go in today morning come home tomorrow morning. I don't wanna elaborate cos even though I don't have any issues with sharing so much with the world (sometimes. Haha) I feel it'd be disrespectful to my mom's privacy.

So anyway it was on Friday morning, the op, and I called home on Thursday night just to talk to my mom. I didn't know what to say or whatever, I remember asking her what time the operation was. I had asked her the Sunday night before, before I walked away from the car into the gates of CDA, but I didn't listen to her reply cos all I was doing was try to stretch the time I could spend talking to her. I didn't wanna go into camp because that'd mean I couldn't be with her till op day. Plus I had to play it cool and macho.

On Thursday when I spoke to Mak it was different, this time I listened to what she said. Like, that was the only thing of her that I could take away from the conversation, so I had to take in Everything. And I remember towards the end of the phonecall my heart was heavy as HECK (I just don't feel like saying hell, like... not nice ah hahahah), and the closer I got to it the more I thought I felt like crying. I remember a part of me screaming to tell Mak that I loved her, but another half was like wtheck that's so not-me/weird/something like that. But in the end I did, it went like this:
Bye mak
Bye sayang
(almost blurted out but tried very hard to sound steady) I love you
(pause) I love you too
Then I put down the phone and breathed, and I can't remember the next few seconds. Heavy moment.

Since I'm still thinking of the story, I wanna thank Nabhan for showing concern. I didn't realize it, but I must've sounded really different while on the phone cos he sensed it. Actually, I've got a lot of camp people to thank. They make it possible for me to be on about stuff and not dread shit and whatever. Thanks ah fellas, yall full of shit but its the good kinda shit.

SO back to topic. Laaaaater on I thought about how it'd be when I live by myself or sth. I guess I might not be homesick so much, but I'd always wanna be there for my family for anything that might be made better off if I were there. It is possible that I won't feel that way, but I'm telling myself now that I want to, so I will.

Anyway I miss going to the gym. I miss the whole feel of it, everyDAMN THINGOFGYMMING ARGHHHHHHHHH. At this rate, I'm sure I won't stop gymming till I'm officially unable to gym or sth.

Oh and I've been thinking twice about taking psychology. I originally intended on penning my thoughts, but since I'm keyboarding now I might as well get some stuff out. You could read and think about it and try to tell me only to realize that I don't wanna listen cos I'm drowning in my sorrows, slowly sinking into the shadows of my little corner of the world where nobody cares to look, where light is never cast, where thoughts never stray to. And its there that you'll see me try to disappear, held back only by the fact of your observation. It sounds depressing, but you don't see that I'm laughing and having the time of my life.

Hahahah why do I keep doing that. Why Fawaz? Okay I'll ask him later. L8r. Alligater. Allig8r. Alligaver. All I gave her. Hmm, interesting.

Sooooo, psychology. I like it, its fun. I like watching people and shit. Haha no not watching shit as in feces but like youknowyouknow ok you know. I like exploring all this mind nonsense.

Psychology is largely baseless iThink. There's nothing concrete, no formulas, no guaranteed outcome. Its hypotheses vs hypotheses, each one making up his own rules based on empirical data. But quantified observations of a nonquantifiable subject matter just don't seem real enough for me.

What's it like then? We think as hard as we can about what's in us, oh the irony, and in the end come up with what could be a working framework. Try to fit in as many people into it as possible, then come up with a list of Exceptions, and figure out how to sound more convincing that the next fella.

It could be useful, still. If the trends you observe are really that replicable or identifiable, then voila, who gives a shit if you haven't plotted a graph of it. If you can work with it then do it. What, no one can tell you what the truth is because no one actually knows, so you create one that works for you? And in this case one that could apply to the majority?

I'm stopping here, my eyes are tired and I





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