Right. I'm gonna remember that. Anyway my ego is still at the door of that gym, so I got nothing to lose. SPEAKING OF! I got my new tub ooofff ppprrrooottteeeiiinnn tttooodddaaayyy...
...mmmuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaahaahahhahaahhahHAH! My life feels so much more complete now...
ANYWAY! Today I'll be talking about emotional selection and my options. Lol yeah my options in life, or the next few years of it at least.
EMOTIONAL SELECTION! Now, what is it actually? The evolution of people and their feelings, like, what, like natural selection? Of course not, why else would I ask. It is plainly your choosing of how you feel.
To some extent, emotions can be uncontrollable and unpredictable. Chemical reactions usually behave like that; you can't force the drop of iodine to remain brown when it drips onto a starch-rich leaf. It just turns blue, and all you can say is 'shit, I thought I had it there...' (well now you have an idea of my limited knowledge in Chemistry).
A lot of times, when something happens, the reaction comes before you can protest. You realize you've forgotten something and you immediately panic.
I think the main branches of unpleasant feelings are emptiness, anger, misery, panic and confusion.I call them unpleasant because they leave you in a less-than-normally-productive state; you don't laugh as much, you might not be able to focus, etc. Anything that prevents you from being the most you can, is unpleasant. But the strange thing is, we sometimes like that feeling. When we're sad we sometimes want to remain in that dark and grimy pit, we want people to look and say 'oh poor thing, he's so sad!'.
Anger, especially. When you're red hot and ready to smash someone's face, you don't usually wanna cool off. You like that rush of adrenalin, that burning rage, it feels so... powerful. The same could go for other 'undesirable' emotional states.
However much you want to stay in that state, when you're out of it, you tend to regret being in it for so long. Uncontrolled anger may lead to remorse later, and prolonged sadness may lead to... more sadness. Example: 'AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! DOWN WITH YOUR FACE! *massive punch*
*that guy's jaw shatters*
Two months later
'*sob* aw man why did I do that... now he *sob* can only *sob* drink soup!!! Oh, God, WHYYY!!!'
Another example: 'Ahhh shit why did I waste two months feeling depressed. Ohmy Godddd, I've lost so much time! Now I'm so saddd...'
All of this should be pretty obvious, but sometimes we don't realize it. In short, things could go two ways:
HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION A (I'm all for using big words nowsadays hah):
1 - surge of emotion
2 - where's the regulation!
3 - finally out of it
4 - carry on with life, or go back to step 1
HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION B:
1 - surge of emotion
2- WAIT JUST RIGHT THERE
3 - recalibrate
4 - move on
So how do we achieve that preferred Situation B? Well I can't say I know, but I can suggest what Might Help, and What I've Done (please don't break into song. It just won't sound right in this context).
The first thing I suggest you do is work on your emotions while in a normal state. Think back and identify the kind of responses that drag you down the most. Some examples: someone always says hurtful things, or you constantly miss your targets, you get the hang. Once you know what it is you don't want, you have to tell yourself what you want.
I WANT TO BE RESISTANT TO NEGATIVE COMMENTS.
Followed by,
I WILL BE RESISTANT TO NEGATIVE COMMENTS
You must want it with all your being, want it really bad. No room for nonsense like 'but I'm a guuuurl' or 'but it happens so often I don't think I can take it!'. And never, ever, NEVEVVEVER say you will try.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU TRY IT MEANS YOU ALLOW YOURSELF ROOM FOR FAILURE.
If you're about to be burnt alive in a flaming building do you try to save yourself, or do you GET THE HELL OUT. Yes, you GET THE HELL OUT. Similarly, polarize your mindset: either you want something, or you don't want it. Either you do everything you can to get it, or you don't waste your time with it.
This might just be the hardest part of the process, because it requires you to look deep within yourself, and to remove the cobwebs of Doubt and Unsureness. Things that could help include:
- doing it when you're all by yourself. My preferred time is in the middle of the night, in total darkness, when everyone's asleep.
- writing everything down, so you make sure you use ABSOLUTE words like MUST or WILL.
- talk to someone about it. But PLEASE make sure that someone is sure-headed and will relentlessly whip yo ass if you fall short of doing what you should. Then together with that person, figure out your action plan and make a promise. Why? Because we aaalll know you'll go straight to hell if you break one. Mmhmm, I'm not kidding.
As always, if something is really big to work with, start smaller. Work yourself through increasingly large goals, and before you know it you'll be willing yourself to the moon.
Aye, there is, of course, what they like to call... another method. This one's a little more exciting, and takes some control on your part. I call it Disengaging. Its literally just that, you disengage yourself from the situation, then take some time to let the feelings evaporate, then go right back to being AWSM (HAHAHAHHAH).
I have taken the liberty to draw you an explanatory diagram (please click):
(Rate five stars if you liked that!)The principle behind Disengaging is fairly simple and scientifically proven. When you separate your mind from your body, the current overwhelming emotion (an intrusion, for it blanketed you from elsewhere) is left floating in the middle. When the wind blows, and the wind always blows, your body will not move because it is too heavy. Your mind stays put because You Are In KONTROL, but the feelings have nothing to hold them down, so they fly away. Thus you may return to your body, and enjoy the feeling of unfeeling!
What really happens when you disengage, is that you attempt to isolate your reasoning mind from the rest of it. Its like looking at yourself from someone else's eyes. To an observer, your eyes may take on the look of someone who is daydreaming, because you really are replacing physical vision with the metaphysical. When you disengage, this is more or less what should be going through your mind:
- your posture; how are you standing/sitting?
- take in some details of your surroundings
- if something is the problem, look at it in its base form. An idiot becomes a person, a result slip becomes a piece of paper, etc.
The whole idea is to run solely on logic and reason, which could be just temporarily blocking out your emotions. But I find once you establish the basis of your proceeding steps, it becomes significantly easier to think rationally. Rational is what you want. Rational is control, strong emotions are waves that push you about. As much as you might be able to calm yourself down, it is not entirely impossible that some residue of the strong emotion might remain. You might feel its presence even while reasoning out, or it may come back to haunt you later.
My personal experience: collecting my results slip. I managed to block out all negative feelings for an appropriately long period of time. Still I could feel the disappointment tugging somewhere from deep inside. And some time later, I was completely down; I had to sit and think for so long before I could move on again. Even then, the negativity was not completely gone. It took time, and help from amazing people, before I finally rid myself of it all. In fact today I got into a heated argument with someone, and he hurled a sharp insult with regards to my results. My overall performance for said exam was reduced to the level it leaned closer to (eg. if heavy is 80 and light is 20, my 50 is rounded up to a heavy), but lo and behold, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Which kinda fits in nicely with my next topic:
OPTIONS
I'm just gonna list every path I've been looking at, because I like to be judged like that. Hahahahhaha. But araknow, it may help someone figure something out, or someone could point me in a better direction. Life's so much better if everyone helps everyone out, eh.
I'm in the process of applying for every scholarship that I would've applied for if I had gotten stellar results instead. This goes for my university apps too.
If I get a scholarship, Alhamdulillah.
If I don't get one, here are my options:
1 - Save up what I earn from NS. That will be more than enough to cover a year of education. Do well then, and apply for a mid-term scholarship.
2 - Look to the Civil Defence for one. I believe good character, the spirit of trying everything and a little networking can get you places.
3 - Get a move on with my writing, I could make an income out of it if I work hard enough. About which: YOU can do ANYTHING you want if you WORK. HARD. ENOUGH. Moving on: improve my singing and get someplace with it.
4 - Give up and cry. Hahahahah nah just joking.
If I get into a university, Alhamdulillah.
If I don't:
1 - Use the time I have to study my ass off for SATs, then take 'em.
2 - If that's not enough to get into a local uni, then I'll have to go abroad.
3 - Sign on in the CD. From what I've gathered, they have sent people off to study, all costs covered, plus the pay they would get if they were working.
4 - Be brave and become the next Jonathan Mead.
[REMEMBER: In your applications or essays, don't just state what you've achieved. Sell yourself. Make it sound as impressive as it was. You didn't just emcee a show. You emceed a prestigious concert attended by distinguished members of the arts fraternity, and hundreds of students from across the country. SELL YOURSELF, but don't lie.]
Wherever you are in life, whatever it is that happened, there are always numerous ways you can keep going. Life was made for us to live in, so LIVE it. God is great, and has designed everything to aid us in leading a meaningful existence. All you have to do is open your mind, be brave, and have faith in Him.
Sometimes though, you might do everything right and everything turns out wrong instead. Then remember these:
1 - The bigger the person, the bigger the challenges. If you are faced with monstrous challenges, it only means you are one heck of a person. It does not matter if people see you as a loser or a pauper or whatever. What you are in His eyes... now that's what counts BIG TIME.
2 - Life. Is. Fair. There is harmony and balance in everything. If you don't get it good now, you will soon. If not in this life, then in the next. That is guaranteed.
All of us have the capacity to live each day to the fullest. ALL of you are important in this world, so start treating yourself as an important person. In a good way, that is. Drink plenty of water and stop eating before you're full, and you're on your way to a better body.
There is no shame in lifting lights
Labels: sharing machine, thoughts