I think maybe I'll abandon this blog in awhile and do everything on wordpress. But then again my wordpress blogs have this kinda refined and polished look in my head, and sometimes I need an outlet for the not-so-nice stuff. Oh well, no need to overthink.
Note to self: next time, don't EVER get a sponsor for ANYTHING unless you REALLY REALLY REALLY need it and have NO other choice. Otherwise be prepared for pressure from your sponsor, in terms of: their expectations (even though they might not know what's going on), their cautiousness, their way of doing things, them wanting you to do things their way, unnecessary intervention, refusal to listen to your explanation then ask the other parties involved and you stand there feeling a little embarrassed and a little violated, on top of the fact that your time is being wasted by someone else's conversation (you HAVE to be there, you can't just walk off. Rude.), and many other things. I might. May. No. WILL. Discuss th- k no. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't think it does justice to the person to have a full psychoanalysis on The Fawaz Study. Instead look there for my account of how I felt and how I slowly uncovered the reasons behind those feelings.
I GOT MY QUEST BARS. They are delicious. I want other flavours and I want them now.
But we all know, there's a time and place for everything and now's not the time to go spending again. Oh money, you evil thing, you.
And I'm definitely not sharing any adults' point of view of life. I'm breaking free of all those bonds of restrictions, amma keep fighting, and none of you gonna EVER make me into one of those other drones you might find yourself a part of.
I'm not alone, that's the THING. I've drawn inspiration from a TON of others who have done it. So who the heck has the right to say I can't be all that and escape all this shit that's getting everyone worked up and not happy?
No one.
Just do your utmost best and leave the rest to God.
I must sleep. Sleep cycles have been extremely poor, although my stomach was ridiculously flat this morning (it kinda creeped me out for a bit) (I thought too too too much sleep would make you fat), and I'm supposed to go schwimming in the morning.
Social media is a shit thing, I'm really starting to despise it. And its not for some superficial reason, THIS IS A SERIOUS THING AND WE AS AN INTELLECTUAL COMMUNITY NEED TO GIVE IT SERIOUS THOUGHT.
The number one thing is photos. Yeah I know they sound innocent and 'but we need to reminisce and remember this and that' but that's all secondary. Think about it, its not necessary to have a thousand pics from all your phases in life, you'll just end up spending more of your future thinking about your past and feeling things that might not be of benefit to you, maybe even some harm.
THINK: If something really is that important, it stays in your mind.
But let's say you just like capturing the beauty of some moments, you can't really do that in to the same effect in any other form. Okay that's fine. The thing is, stuff gets complicated when it all goes on the net. Once its there, its free for anyone or many people to look at. Let's look at it in 'layers':
-Strangers will look at you and think things based on what they see. That is absolutely unnecessary and sometimes harmful. Say in one photo you have a certain expression. This guy stumbles upon the photo and he might be thinking 'wow she looks hot like that' or 'haha this guy looks low IQ'. In essence you create the opportunity for people to think or even say false things. If someone has self respect and values himself as a person, he would prevent that from happening. 'Liberal' people will instead say 'So? What's wrong?' or 'If God made me good looking then shouldn't I share it with the world?'
Then you think this: cheap things have many buyers, people will just flock to it. Its value is low. You, liberal one, are akin to that. Hey this is my beauty come everyone take a load of it. Not nice.
-You never know what people think of you or how you look in that photo. And sometimes you don't realize you're in a compromising position. What you deem a simple portrait shot might turn on all the girls on the net, then what have you done? In the first place, it was not necessary to upload that shot. I know I said 'capturing the beauty of some moments' earlier, but the fact is people find every excuse to upload everything. Don't lie to yourself, deep down you just want people to see what a good looking person you are. You are attracting attention, you want attention, especially that of the opposite gender. And girls especially, don't be so simple minded and think 'its just a photo'. A guy can stare at a simple photo of you smiling and use that to think all sorts of things, strip you down in less than a second and before you know it you're a part of his fantasy. If he's a hot guy then maybe you'll think heh that's not too bad.
But think again. You are of HIGH VALUE. You are worth so much that not everyone can just get a hold of you and enjoy something off you like that. Preserve your beauty and treasure it! Doesn't it make sense that you need an appointment and all sorts of whatevers just to get an audience with the queen of England or some other important person? This is because they are of HIGH VALUE. And so are you.
And I don't know if I should talk about compromising positions? Okay maybe I'll put it this way: people are very creative and can link anything to... anything. And these are PHOTOS we're talking about, a lotta time to scrutinize and look at stuff you might not have noticed at the time. And then there's the people in the background too... oh God the embarrassment some of them have faced because of someone else's vanity.
-Lastly, this applies to those who really do treasure their modesty. Sometimes pictures still get around, like the other time I was out with a group and we took a picture and then poof it was on Facebook. My privacy settings didn't allow anyone to see it from my profile, but people can look from someone else's! Which is why I'm glad I left my helmet sitting on my forehead, it kinda disguises me a little. But once I wasn't so lucky. Someone snapped a photo of me while I was walking by and then AGAIN Facebook. For every one of his friends to see. I don't like that, its a disturbing idea. This will be especially disturbing for girls who don't usually have their photos on the net or used to be more liberal but have deliberalized.
If that photo wasn't yours to begin with, its still there for people to see. There are many bored people with nothing to do and someone might see it and think wow cute ass wow nice beard I so wanna touch it. Okay beard for guys, not a girl with a beard. And even with all our fancy privacy settings, there are still people who don't use them and continue snapping away and uploading every damn thing on the net.
In person you might be humble and a decent person, but your one million photos on the net don't say so and you can't really do anything about it. Which is why, SOCIAL MEDIA IS EVIL.
There are still more reasons why its evil. It claims to 'connect' when all it does is open up channels of communication so wide that everything and anything is said, clogging the net with loads of useless and stupid information. Status updates on the sandwich you had. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT AND YOU KNOW THAT. Yet people still partake. We will all do these little stupid things and lie to ourselves that we're keeping connected. But that's not it. We will slowly lose the ability to truly care for what's REALLY important, and when we are faced with the reality that helping someone out might entail more than just Like-ing his status or typing out a quick comment, then we might start to see how far we've deviated.
I'm really tempted to deactivate my Facebook account. But first I want to know how I can permanently remove every trace of every photo of me that has been taken. I don't like it. Then once I can establish an alternate route of communication for all those people who might want to connect with me, I'll do it.
Or I'll just use it mostly one-way. Read what is relevant and ignore everything else. No status updates, no comments, no likes, nothing. Its just 'oh this is Fawaz's account. We're not sure if he's still here but just post your events and he'll contact us if he needs more details'. Like that.
I'm sick of a lot of things, I want to cut off these ridiculous things one by one and I hope my family and friends understand. In fact I hope they see my point and take some benefit from it. The last thing I want to cut is a relationship with someone, however small it might be.
Alhamdulillah week one of THT HIT 2nd Cycle has passed without incident. The pain is still there but its been manageable. I'm now pretty sure my immediate goal is to get as big as Shifu Zul.
I'm very motivated to get my diet in control, as I've also realized where all the fat is now: obliques. Its damn indian I think, to have fats there and not anywhere else. The front has been compromised a little but not as much as you would think if you'd known how much fat I'd gained. Then again even I don't know that.
I was about to say: I really can't wait to ORD so I can spend a lotta time with my family. Then I thought: NO. Why wait, amma make it happen now.
I really like being around my family, so I'll make it happen. When I can come home I will, when I've had enough sleep I'll wake up so I can live properly with the people whom I love. There's so much to look forward to and I'm so happy, Alhamdulillah.
Once in awhile I can feel it again, that sorta burning feeling in me, like an anticipation or excitement of something big. I want to achieve something like that, to have a big impact on people whether they know its me impacting them or otherwise. The money part I'm still not so sure: do I wanna have a lotta money? Or just be comfortable living like this now. What's sure is that as long as I have enough for everyone's basics, I'm happy. That's the 'minimum pay' I want to make. Whatever Allah gives me I'll accept, however much or little because He knows best. There's a lot to be learnt from people who get so little yet are so happy.
I want to be that kind of happy, and be able to help others feel that way.
Something got me thinking, and I'm still trying to figure out if its true: When you dislike someone, you'll start to find everything they do irritating. Irony is I saw this on 9gag!
Take your vitamins, drink lotsa water and eat your veggies. Stay sharp everyone! Be happy you're alive.
Having had experience with both blogger and Wordpress for now, I've decided that I'll split em in this fashion:
Blogger for narcissistic and otherwise unimportant/not that significant posts
Wordpress for things with more weight, intellectual posts and everything else that suits how I feel when I use it. Todally ahhsum.
I shall now proceed to share some narcissistic thoughts that have been swimming around in my head these past few weekishes.
I've been kinda forced/made to/asked/a little curiosing into eating like 'everybody else'. That means not low-carbing and stuff. Initially everyone thought I was really getting into it but I somehow managed to kinda regulate my carb intake. And after awhile and some circumstances later, I'm kinda really eating like everybody else now.
I don't pig out on carbs as my appetite/primitive part of my mind would have me, but I'm more flexible now. I had fried rice and stuff for lunch. About four chappatis for dinner. That's a LOT of carbs in my opinion.
Strange thing is, while I do kinda feel a little like, flabbier everywhere in general, it isn't really something I can prove. There was a point in time when my abs weren't really obvious when unflexed, but that has kiiinda passed. I feel like I've put on a little more fat around my abdominals, but there's still some vascularity going on there. How's that possible? The layer of fat there is DEFINITELY thicker now and it BUGS ME TO HELL but I'm also trying to figure this out. And even with all this fat I can still see some definition around my obliques and the edges of my abs. I have NO idea what's going on.
It's been interesting but I can't take this anymore. My back's been hurting every once in awhile but Alhamdulillah there's kinduv been a quick fix. Just stick my butt out and up kinda, actually super tightening my lower back, and the pain goes away. Again, clueless. What's important is InsyaAllah I can start gymming again tomorrow, then it'd be a new 10-week cycle and I can get bigger WOOHOO! And I'll get back to MANS. Although if I have the time, I'm gonna quickly figure out my TSPA diet and if possible, start on it. I've already worked out the values and stuff, now I just gotta fit actual food into the framework.
I ordered a Tesla compression top on Gmarket for around $15 yesterday, hopefully it'll arrive by Friday. I'm really hoping it'll be good cos 15 is dirt cheap for compression wear. I'll do a quick review once I get it, hopefully someone out there will benefit from it haha.
AND! ORANGE BOX FOR FREE! Some christmas thing going on on Steam I think, everyone quickly go and check.
I drank a lot of milk the other day, mixed it with my cookies and cream protein powder. The whole thing tasted more of milk but there was a faint trace of something... but it didn't really taste like cookies and cream... I don't know I'm just so lost now, I never knew drinking protein could be so... challenging. I just want to be left alone.
AND I might actually be moving to wordpress FOREVAAAAAA. I've been posting there a lot recently, and I kinda like the tone and feel of it. It was started by a, um, mature-er (?) part of me so its like nonsense free.
HMM so maybe this should be preserved for my nonsense stuff? Yeah that actually makes sense. I can't run away from the nonsense, I can't run away from myself ohmyGoddidijustsaythat.
That's the problem with overcompartmentalizing your blogability, and an over-enthusiasm in that stupid moniker 'therealshard'. Which led to some sort of paranoia that someone out there might somehow arrive at that very permutation of letters and decide to pee in its name ie. mark his territory... WITH MY NICKNAME. There's a therealshard dot and at every- okay not every, but a kinda (maybe not so much) significant number of internetz thingz. Possessive Indian Boy. Well better that Possessed Indian Boy. That'd be scary as hell. I'd shit my pants. And then the shit might take on a life of its own OOoOoOooOhhhhh.
Ok yeah I'm preserving this blog for nonsense like this. As a matter of fact I took a short break from a post-in-writing on my wordpress. Wanted to announce the possible closure of this blog but hey look where we are now. Didn't think we'd come so far but, wow! You're a real darling.
Stay all darlingy and stuff, be happy and read my wordpress. Useful stuff there that smart people told me that I think will be of use to you.
I've lost a terrible amount of weight. Idk I'm 65 now, at one point I was 65 and bigger.
EVERYONE who's hasn't seen me in, like, more than two days says I've lost a lotta weight. Srsly.
I'm skinny ass now. I used to fill the sleeves of some shirts. Now they just hang around in my wardrobe laughing at me behind my back.
I thought I'd have lost a lotta strength as well but strangely that's not the case.
Which leaves me mightily puzzled. I tried figuring out, and this is the best I can come up with:
FIRST back injury, leading to a relatively long absence from the gym and whatever training actually.
SECOND the burn on my shoulder; I couldn't really move my arm much or perspire a lot. Again, Training's like where the heck are you boy?
THIRD Ramadhan; not cos of fasting! In fact I bulked just a liiiiitle during the early days, then due to a SEVERE lack of sleep and rest I couldn't exercise as much and I felt pooped everyday and THEN I exercised some more and I think my body just gave up or sth. And I had a new diet I followed; I guess it got me lean but failed to overcompensate for the lack of other things so maybe I underate at one point. Now I don't give a shit, I eat anything and everything. Haha.
I was thinking hey since I lost a lotta weight maybe this should be the running phase of my life. Train and get a super awesome 2.4 km timing then get back to gymming.
Then I thought about it and went SCREW IT I hate being small. I hate swimming in my clothes.
I wanted to write this for so long but always tried to 'prioritize' and spend my time wisely. This morning I thought oh what the heck, it isn't really important, its not like one million plus people read your blog anyway. But I still wanted that satisfaction of putting it out there. Haha I'll resolve that bit of me some other time.
SPEED BLOGGING
And so I've decided to start gymming asap, three times a week for ten weeks, then break for a week then maybe back to my five day split. Come on muscles I'm counting on you to GROOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
And that song Jenny by The Click Five? There's this line, 'Jenny, you got me on my knees'. I think its supposed to be the other way round: 'Jenny I've got you on your knees'. Just sayin. AWWWW YECHHHHHH PTOOEY YUKCKYCK YUCK YUCK
For some reason I feel I suddenly have a lot to say, and some of it quite meaningful! If you wanna skip to the meaningful part then scroll till you see the big red title.
First I'd like to say...
How the HECK did I come up with 300+ posts on my old blog?! Its... ridiculous. Plus I know most of it is nonsense. Oh the yech-writing of my early adolescent days. I swear, I'd hit the younger me if I ever saw him running around somewhere. Gosh I should stop thinking about old me (haha irony!) before I get overly ANNOYED.
NOW. Finally I remember to write this. You know the I Quit smoking ad on tv? Shows ppl telling why they wanna quit smoking then there's this step cool sped up photo transition something whatever ppl hand moving like away and then yeah I Quit.
I found some of the reasons quite dumb. Okay just one actually. I wish to quit because: I want to achieve my aspirations.
What? Seriously? Stop and think, that doesn't make complete sense. I mean it makes half sense, but the fact is its a fricking simple question to answer so you don't give half-answers. My guess is that boy's a JC or poly or step pandai kid who wants to sound smart on tv so he was like hmm what big word shall I use? Then I guess he came up with a few decent lines but went like Nahh I can't spell that word (cos you gotta write it on your shirt when filming your part) and then ah yeah aspirations! Cos the front of the word is 'as', which, I think, I can relate to! Many successful people smoke; smoking is not a direct hindrance to your aspiration unless you aspire to stop smoking...
-_-
I don't usually do that, do I... Dammit.
And then there's the Indian guy. I found his quite funny. I don't mean to offend anyone btw k, just trying to be funny. (*gulp*)
I quit because my wife refused to kiss me.
And then fast forward to three months later:
I've been smoke-free for three months now. My wife still refuses to kiss me. FLIPPING WASTE OF MY ENERGY I SHOULD HAVE JUST CONTINUED SMOKING.
Ok on to the meaningful part.
MEANINGFUL PART
You know I thought I figured myself out in JC; to a great extent I did. I had a good idea of how I ticked, what I found important what I wanted and how I wanted to see myself everyday and in the future. I also thought I had my Ambition figured out: Ruler of the World, famous guy or something.
Then bit by bit I questioned these goals and sorta refined them. Famous Guy became Hmmm maybe not so famous, I don't want my kids to have a hard time just getting to school. I wanna be able to go shopping without people getting all paparazzi on me.
I went from Ruler of the World to One of the Awesome People of the World, Cos There Are Many Awesome People Around and We Need to Unite. Then I listened to what people had to say about that, read this and that, and then more questions appeared like out of nowhere.
How do I wanna influence the world. Do I really want to change this and that? Do these things even need to change to begin with? How do I know I'm changing things for the BETTER? And one of the hardest questions was Can I do all these things and still be a good Muslim?
Somehow along the way faith became a very important part of the equation; I began to feel so inadequate and unprepared for so many things, let alone the hereafter. I pictured my future self, then tried to imagine if that me could face pious people, if that me could stand in front of many and not feel like a shortcoming personified. Whether that me could say I really did achieve all that I want and most importantly, need. Would my parents be proud? Why? What would regular people think of me? There will most definitely be a teenager who sorta resembles me in my thinking and he'll look at Fawaz and ask questions that I can only hope to answer.
And then today at the mosque Ustaz Noor Tijany who, by the way, is an awesome man, mentioned something about it being stupid to put too much emphasis on chasing duniawi goals. That made me realize that a lot of the Self Figuring Out things I had done was very much duniawi based; yes, working is a form of ibadat, helping people is good, but is that really the kind of LIFE I want? Am I really that kind of person?
Then I zoomed out and asked myself, 'hEy FawAz whY do yOu waNna be famOUs anD stuFf. whY do yOU waNt peOpLe to Know?'
Affirmation. That's the crux of it. Its some ego deficiency or something; knowing full well that I have achieved something is not good enough. Knowing that those close to me know is still not good enough. Somehow I have this innate desire to prove to Others that I'm capable of this and that. Somehow at the back of my mind I'm affected by remarks I've heard and hear once in awhile, that reflect people's perceptions of so many things:
Dark skinned boy, probably not very smart.
Indian? Probably has an Indian accent and can't speak well.
Indian? Probably can't dress well.
Asian? Probably not very brave and whatever.
He looks dumb, I bet he's dumb.
He's just a sergeant, *insert assumptions here*
Probably becoming a teacher cos he couldn't get into another university
Probably not very smart cos of his school results
All talk no quality
Doesn't look very strong to me
He's got a unibrow, that's so douchey, I bet he's a douche
Wow that's a dumb sounding name, HAH
(At this point I was interrupted, had to do some favours for my family and stuff, broke my fast prayed and now, over three hours later, I'm here to resume the post. *inhales* K shit where was I...)
It disturbed me quite a bit when I realized that I was always trying to prove something to a someone that wasn't always there. Sometimes it was a little simpler, I did something that I was proud of and I felt that it had some magical value to it, and so must be shared. I didn't really get it. Heck I still don't quite get it. I'll break it down again anyway, it might help me shed some light on my personality/psyche/wtv.
I have many insecurities and though I've overcome some, the others I know are REAL weaknesses. People close to me might not see it as a weakness but my guess that it purely by virtue of our relationship. Strangely though some others (as well as some close people) do not notice my weaknesses. They might be super obvious to me, but not others. So I ask, is it because:
1 - These people are not observant enough
2 - They haven't known me long enough
3 - It really isn't a weakness; I'm just nuts
4 - It isn't a significant weakness
5 - Only applies to the Close People: they do not notice or cannot notice because they are close to me
So I still can't figure it out... whatever. Still, I made it a point to find some sort of temporary resolution to this. Or maybe not. I just knew I needed some kinda patch to cover things up so I can move on. And I settled on this:
Whatever. I'll just be me and do what I have to do. If people pick on me, whatever, if people make fun of me, whatever. I can be humiliated in front of the whole world and though it will suck, I will do my best not to give a damn. Cos ultimately it doesn't make a difference; its all just emotions. And ultimately, those with enough sense and with the right values will not aim for my weaknesses to begin with! These are the people who care about other people, these are the people whom I should be around and they are the ones who will support me through anything.
That felt more concrete in my head now that I've typed it out.
(Okay more interruptions. I went to finish my exercise and have another dinner lol. And now, another two hours later...)
And one day I had an epiphany (I think it was one of those); I realized (I'M ALWAYS REALIZING THINGS WWWWWAAAALLLAUUU EHHHHH. Okay its not a bad thing...) I wanted to be a part of something big. I rillyrillyrilly wanna be a Mover and a Shaker and one of the people behind this super movement or something. I want meaning in my life! I want to live with the knowledge that I served a great purpose in my life, that I utilized myself to my maximum capacity, that I was important, even if people didn't know! Because there'd probably be records somewhere and my name would be there heh.
And then...
AND THEN.
I was like... holy...! I already am a part of something marvelous!
I am a Muslim.
When I watch videos of Islam, people talking about it, about converts and their stories, about young children reading the Quran, about ANYTHING, it strikes me that this is such a SUCH A beautiful religion. Its POWERFUL and COMPLETE and magical and so unifying... and I'm a part of it! And as a Muslim, I'm automatically connected to all my Muslim brothers and sisters. Wherever I am if I meet a Muslim I will be welcomed like family. Everywhere I go if there is Islam I'll feel right home. In every little thing you can see God's Greatness. And if something you do is not seen by anyone, it is seen by Him, and if you do anything in His name, it is a noble thing.
So there, like a chunk of me felt complete. Suddenly I felt whole without knowing there was some kind of gap somewhere. And so I knew which direction I should go in terms of thinking about my future. True, some questions remain unanswered, I still don't get my gratification part, but I have a more focused direction now.
Again, I didn't realize how incomplete or hazy my old vision was until then.
And so since then I've been thinking... how do I want to develop myself? A part of me is seriously considering following the footsteps of great scholars like Sheikh Ahmad Deedat and Dr Zakir Naik. These men practice Jihad everyday, spreading God's word and clearing misconceptions and uniting the people of the book. Most importantly, these men are influential. They cause good change and the world is a better place because of them and what they did, with Allah's permission.
I'm thinking about it now, and I think, if I were to be a scholar or someone who spreads God's word - maybe not even on such a large scale, maybe just an Ustaz or something - I will be deeply satisfied... Yes, even if no one knew who I was. Even if I wrote hundreds of books that helped lots of people and they could see me on the streets and have no idea who this Indianish guy is. Yes I think I would be very satisfied.
That would be a very big step to take. I don't know. I think money is out of the equation already. Once I wanted to be kinda wealthy. Not super affluent but comfortable and enough to do cool things like have a computer room in my house with an awesome gaming rig and consoles and surround sound and people would come over to play and I'd have my own gym equipment and a nice house that's eco friendly. I'd be able to dress comfortably yet not extravagantly but qualitily (I just made that word up. It is an awesome word) I'd be able to buy software and stuff to support developers and writers whom I think deserve it. I could build schools and hospitals and clean up poor areas and give them what they need to live comfortably and healthily without losing the lifestyle they love. I'd be able to give scholarships to awesome young minds, do lots of cool things for kids everywhere.
But no, I don't need all that money. It would be nice, it is something I want, but not something I need. There are many ways of getting things done. If I am influential, I could move the wealthy and the creative into acting, I could be the inspiration for some rich man to do something awesome. I might not have a lot of money myself but it'd be okay. There are tons of people who live happily without some of the comforts that I'm enjoying now, so there's no reason whatsoever to get all fussy about money.
I think this post is long enough. I've gone through so many tenses and had so many breaks I have a feeling this whole thing is just one looong convoluted text lol. Time to do other things.
Okay yall take a look at this. Its a quiche (pronounced keesh like oh sheesh yall, that eesh). Look nice eh. Yeah I bet that what yall be thinkin. Good, good. Now look at the other pics.
This was when it wasn't at its driest.
A lil drier. Dayumn should've gotten it in better lighting and colour mode. Also you might wanna scrutinize a bit to check out my arm. Just saying.
This is tonight, really dry, and the light makes it look all messed up.
Ok so my blogpost counter isn't faulty, its now one up from before.
I had and have so much to say, I wonder if I can make it out of this with enough time to sleep!
So I've decided I won't elaborate where not necessary, and I'll be very brief. I just wanna get my points out. I realized I've said these things in the past: lemme mention it quickly now and I'll further expound upon it in the future.
I don't think I've kept to my words. So whatever, I'll just say it and leave it.
1 - Don't change religion to fit the people. So what if our youth think differently or what. Yes you need new approaches, but be careful. For example, you want the youth to spend more time at the mosque. Fine, but don't be so desperate in trying to achieve that goal that you don't closely check your means. Personally I think its silly if you succeed in getting them to do what you want but the time spent there is not productive, or they pick up the 'wrong' kinda behaviour. Like pakcik/wak2 behaviour. Its just dumb.
And there's a letter waiting to be written.
2 - I don't get clubbing and clubs. Like yeah okay I can let them exist, but then I wanna ask who allowed for them to be built. And this question applies to all other questionable establishments: did the general public get a say in the approval stage?
Araknow but I have a feeling that if we take a vote, you'll find that a lotta people will respond in the negative when you ask them things like:
-Do you like the idea of a drunk/sober guy/girl grinding and rubbing him/herself against your daughter/son/sister/brother/whatever.
-Are you totally cool with that person getting wasted and having God knows what happen to them.
-What do they gain? What is 'fun'? What??
Yeah the younger people will be cool with the idea, at least a healthy number I suppose. Maybe overall we'll discover that its a close fight, that it is not a majority that doesn't support the idea, but maybe a half or a wow-just-a-difference-of-three-and-a-half-people scenario.
These places cause trouble, spoil our youth, people, society. So just one question/thing: wtf.
3 - I was watching how ppl spend their time and money and shit. Really? That's what people do to have fun? Its like they don't realize they've got a lotta time, but somehow they find they must fill it doing stupid and maybe nonproductive things, that might only sound feasible in the short term. Some don't even meet that standard! What's up with people? Happy to just abandon responsibility for entertainment and pleasure instead. You could be doing something good but no you gotta enjoy.
Don't slog everyday in preparation for The Future. Every second that passes is the future, and The Frickin Future is rushing at you at the alarming speed of 1s/s (or sometimes faster), so find a balance, DAMMIT. Enjoy but don't shoot yourself in the foot.
Okay this maybe I think I'll elaborate further next time. The last two paragraphs seem totally insufficient and handicapped in their ability to get my message across. Another time then.
Now for my disappointment in NS. I don't mean to brag or what, but in all honesty I was a kilat trainee. I wasn't the only one, mind you, there were a coupla people I looked up to and whom everyone else did as well, but look where that brought us: nowhere. I didn't get to cross over to RCC (which I'm glad for now btw, and I think I have Zeb Bhai to thank for it, if what he told me was really true). No one whom we thought deserving got the awards they supposedly deserved. Politics, shit, wayang, and at the end of the fricking day we might realize that we have just half-wasted (if lucky) two years. Not everyone gets the intended experience!
Its a shoddy system. It could work, its a good idea, but the execution must be polished. They've already gone so far to give us this standard of training and opportunity to go out on the frontline, so I don't see why the SYSTEM is still LIKE THIS.
And I still wish I was at a station, turning out for fires and RTAs and shit. I really want the experience, but signing on is too much of a burden. I want to do something else with my life.
Life.
I should be doing the things needed to push myself up, but haven't really. Maybe that's why my weeks end with me feeling sad and slow and dissatisfied. All that stops today. I'm gonna write more and finish what I've started. There's no Tomorrow for it to happen, everything starts today. I gotta rule the world or at least have some significant place in the world before I'm thirty something. Doing it then is still okay, but its always better to start young. Also a lot more impressive, cos you'd expect your average world ruler to be middle-aged or maybe some white-haired fatty.
I'm never gonna get fat. I GIVE MY WORD.
Oh I made the Raw Foods Witch's brownies, they're awesome. Go check out her website and start being awesomer.
Now on to fawazstudy. Got some things that need to be said over there.
I can blog while people are watching, its not such a big deal, even when SOME PEOPLE over my shoulder read every word out like some douchebag. I can, but its difficult and I'd rather not. Its like taking a dump, yaknow. I'd prefer it if you let me do it behind closed doors, and if you wanna see it afterwards then go ahead, be my guest. You get the whole concept, right?
I think this back pain of mine has been really good for me. If you don't already know, lemme bring you up to speed:
About 7 months ago during my trainee days, there was a week where I my back felt uncomfortable. It didn't hurt and I had full mobility, but twas really uncomfortable. So I went for acupuncture and was immediately relieved. Fast forward to about a month ago, when I resumed gymming and was seeing improvements in my lifts. Again, my back started feeling uncomfortable, but instead of resting it I kept going. I went on and on and even when it started hurting just a liiiiiitle I paid no heed. And then came real stupidity on my part; there was one day when I walked into the gym literally thinking shit this is a bad idea, my back feels horrible. But I lifted anyway! I did squats, warmed up and found it super hard to lift, went to just a bit less than my working weight, did a little and found it really hard. Reduced the weight and tried again! And again! I was struggling and my back hurt but NO I didn't stop! Instead... I tried to do rows!!! Twas really light but I was struggling like mad to even unrack the bar. On one of the reps I felt something pop in my back but I did two more anyway. Racked the weight then... Did machine presses! Thinking back, I was a mega big DUMBASS. I don't know why. I guess this happens in life sometimes. And then I finally gave up, after a half hour of hurting myself, and by that time I could hardly bend.
I went for a few sessions of Chinese point therapy. Regained mobility but discomfort retained. Rested for awhile, still uncomfortable. Then one day I bent down to look at a newspaper and SHNAP painnnnnnnn. Nearly immobile for awhile, managed to lie down for a bit and hey presto! back to normal. Then again, yesterday, bent down to wear my boot and SHNAP painnnnnnn.
So I went to the hospital, and all I got was muscle relaxants, painkillers and anti gastric shtuff. No bone specialist or whatever (cos I explained how I felt my feet were uneven, and that after long periods of standing or wtv my one foot feels really yeowchy.), just try and come back if it doesn't get better.
Today my grand uncle brought me to see one Encik Hamzah, who massages your feet.
Today was good.
After an hour and a half, I was relieved of my discomfort, my feet were burning, he'd explained to me which point was what, how what pressing meant what, discovered my history of childhood asthma, told correctly that my left shoulder was tight, that I get numbness easily, I have low blood, and lotsa stuff. This man does reflexology on the feet, cos there's like 67 pressure points. He also does siram and might cocok elsewhere if necessary, but its almost all in the feet.
They're still burning a little btw lol. Its from both the oil he used and the increased circulation.
I'm still stuck at the 70-ish mark for this one! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Twas good to see my friends again, though on hindsight I wish we had more time and funner things to do UNLIKE THE FRICKING RG DRAMA. Which was good only cos it provided so many opportunities for humorous commentary. At least it didn't last too long. Haha am I glad it only lasted around 40 mins? But that 7 bucks could've gone towards a movie or sth. Ah well 7 bucks. I'm coming back next year and if the drama's shitty again, which it shouldn't be, cos its RG DRAMA, then I'll probably burn the school down or something.
Their male toilet made me laugh. The bowls were small, but ain't nothing wrong with that. Small toilet bowls make me laugh. Its cool they had urinals inside, though personally I find those things severely repulsive; I'd expected a unisex toilet, so I'd say I was pleasantly surprised.
Ok unnecessary MOVING ON
I picked out a book the other day, Friday, Journey Into Space by Toby Litt. Somehow all these space-themed books I pick out have plot similarities; and somewhere in the middle there's always talk about sex. Is it just my subconscious silently scanning the books and then telling me to pick em or is this whole sex thing a part of the genre. Like how morality and ethics are hard to avoid in such thingies. Ah whatever they're good stories so I won't think too much. I feel half like shit now anyways so that's enough reason for me to MOVE ON
I read about a new update that'll finally make my Windows Phone the awesome thing it should've been a long time ago. Come on Microsoft I had faith in you and so got that phone, make this work.
Although in a perfect world I'd also have an iPhone 4 just cos its sexy and for all its app and hacking goodness.
I can't wait for my back to fully heal, then I can slowly start training again and get that bigger body I want. I don't know if I'm small, if I look small, if I don't look strong, or if it depends on what I wear, or what. Now I don't even know if I have a nice body or if I'm lean or just skinny or if I never had much muscle to begin with and it never really grew much. I don't know all this anymore. Heck I didn't know some parts to begin with, but now everything's a total blank. I do know my strength has increased thanks to my workout logs, but even then I can't be sure for all the exercises cos of stoopid equipment or whatever.
This has been very frustrating indeed, and I don't see an end to it any time soon. I guess I'll just have to wait and work and take what I get. I'll figure out how to deal with this.
When I think back I realize I've always wanted to be a male Lady GaGa, in terms of her craziness and out of this world style, but things that have held me back are: - What would my parents think/feel if they see me like this (eg. with lots of eyeliner maybe, black lipstick? sometimes. funky hairstyles every few months. whatever.) - Can I walk into a mosque dressed like this (that means no shorts, no faces/cukup sifat pictures of animals, lines on my face, half a head of hair, or lots and lots of accessories, or no teeth, or whatever) -If I'm ugly enough as it is, won't people die or laugh hard if they see me like that? Step konon -Is this REEEEAAAALLLLLYYYY who I want to be
After a bit of thinking I dropped the idea - hey this part should be on my other blog, fawazstudy.wordpress, where I dissect my mind. Okay it'll continue there then, and in greater detail. I hope all this sounds weird to you.
Because it isn't.
Yes you read that right.
And that clock over there? Its been still for the past fifteen minutes.
Its been a tiring week so far, and theees two days left. After a long day of filming our firefighting drills (in the hot sun. Ok maybe i'll explain this whole BTM thing some other time), I was tempted to skip today's workout. But in the end i went to the gym anyway, got home a little later than usual, feel quite tired now, but totally think it was totally worth totally it. Totally. There's no reason you can't do something, if you really want it.
The kinda bad thing is that i feel tired and have a ' look at me i'm tired' eyes feeling, but my eyes don't look tired. I stared at my face and it doesn't come across as tired. Well okay i guess that's good, but then people might think i've just been slacking around hahaha.
I'm still determined to get a magazine cover body. And thank God i still keep my religion close to heart. Please don't ever get too caught up in other things that you forget to practice your faith as much as you should be. I almost forgot how much relief reading the Quran can bring. Reading a surah from memory is still good, but man its a whole lot more awsm if you literally sit and read. I should say here that i'm proud of the people in my life who hold on strong to Islam and put in effort to improve themselves. You have my respect and admiration.
And in scary news...
I think i'm growing up. I ate some chilli padi and it didn't cripple me and i kinda enjoyed it.
I thought of writing my long post now, but a short while into typing something else, my wrists began to feel uncomfortable.
Like, what?!
So what a bummer, my entire writing mood hath been disappeared. Oh wait can I get some photos onto the computer? Let's see...
Okay my phone is here. Checking phone... Okayyyy my phone, is, uh, working? Hah. Ok cable. YES the cable, this is always where it ends. Ooh wow there's a cable here.
SYNCED!
Now all the photos are in my com. Time to choose... K done.
This was the first time I used my new facial mask clay thing. I was so excited about it cos its made of volcanic mud haha. I didn't catch fire or anything, just felt a little tingling on my cheeks and nose for a bit, but nothing else. Haven't used it since so I can't say if it works or not. Haha. Since I'm writing this anyway, I was told to wash my face like this: cleanser, scrub THEN mask. Scrubs will open your pores and whatnot so complete it with a mask. More of this face nonsense some other time.
I look scary, I like that.
These are officially Sexy Boots, hot property here at CDA. They aren't as kilat as they look here, but still kilat. Gotta get the soles patched though. I'M LOOKING FOR AN OLD SKOOL COBBLER. HELLO OLD SKOOL COBBLER WHERE ARE YOU.
I like taking these kinda shots haha. I was waiting in line for the dino something ride at USS. The one where you get WET. I got fricking wet. These are some awesome Bioshock-shit, Brave New World things that totally got me Whoa-ed. Tis be an awesome and scary world if we keep up like this.
You don't know what it feels like to be typing this entry out now. therealshard.blogspot.com (or vom haha) is my asylum, my space, this is me right here. Its like mine even if I don't use it. And suddenly that day, for God knows how long, my blogs disappeared from existence.
It was while I was in the process of retrieving my posts (through googling my blog for a specific year, then accessing the cached versions of that year's months' archive page) that I ter-clicked a link to my blog and it opened up. And I was like whuuut? And the blog was like whuuttt??? And then I realized I had to go WHOOAAAAAA.
Lessons learnt: You might not always be prepared to lose something, and when it happens, are you ready to move on? We really REALLY tend to take a LOT of things of granted. Be grateful for every good thing that happens to you. Help the poor. Okay that's not related heh.
One of my colleagues has been half-bugging me, he keeps telling me I'm lucky, but REFUSES to say why, to hint, to WHATEVER. All that I know is: it has happened, its right in front of me, I shouldn't think too much, I'm clever cos I don't know. But I beg to differ on that last point! I didn't choose to know, I really don't know. Haha whatever anyway, it made me think aaaand I've decided:
It doesn't matter what exactly he's referring to. When I think about my life, I realize there's a tonna things that I should be grateful for. So why bother on that one thing when instead I should be grateful about every other thing? Yep so I've let it rest... though the curiosity EATS. ME. UP. FROM THE INSIDE.
EVERY.
SINGLE.
DAY.
Hahahaha I should totally write a drama or something.
Okay a Fahim is making weird noises I should go from the computer now BYE
EDIT! The videos are now here, at the end of this post.
I know I made a list of things to write about next, but screw it. More important things have surfaced and it is my duty to prioritize. Sooooo I present you with: stuff.
DID. YOU. KNOW. therealshard.blogspot.vom, yes, VOM, FRICKING VOM NOT COM will bring you here too. Ok so its not just my blog, I wish it was, but like Teh Internetz auto corrects you. Do you know what that means? Yes... it reads your frickin MINDS. HAHA unintentional.
I think I've mentioned this before, my whole I Can Hear Voices phenomenon. Sometimes when I'm really damn super tired and really must sleep for the love of Pete (who's Pete?) but my macho/idiot mind-side kicks into turbo and I end up not sleeping, I go into this altered state of consciousness (I love my altered states of consciousness. They're so different) and hear voices everywhere/somewhere. BUT YESTERDAY. LAST NIGHT. Around 2am-ish, I was frickin' WOKEN UP. WOKEN UP. WOKEN UP BY A FRICKING VOICE. Sounded like my mom asking me if I didn't want anything to cover my eyes. Lengthy description: I was sinking into a Sleep, I guess that's when your mind uncloses itself and that's when you are liberated from the constraints of Reality. Suddenly everything is possible and you aren't afraid to stare into the many other possibilities that you never knew existed. HWOW. So anyway I half dreamt half realized and half thought (I am one and a half man) (or you could add a 'percent' there and make a joke and laugh) I was checking my smses or sth, and when I was about to keep my phone I heard my mom's voice. At that point I kinda turned on my side, and that's where the dream blended with reality, seamless transition really. Or so I thought. Because while I Thought I was awake, I suddenly realized it was mfking hard to move, like sleep paralysis fo shizz. That's when I Struggled and WHOOSH broke out of my shell of Sleep and was in the exact position I thought I'd be in. Oh and earlier I heard my father talking too but obviously not him cos I could hear him snoring in the other room, but the voice was like from behind me. Awesome.
My uncle says I'm confirm turning metro hahahaha. I thought I always was on the inside hahaha.
This I did which annoyed me thoroughly. I was innerly flusterdly unrestful. I asked one of my brothers to do something, and he was being Such. An. Ass. Taking his own sweet time and moving suuuuuper slowly, and you know WHAT, I almost started counting down. What got me really worked up is the fact that that's what I do @work as an instructor. And like freakkkkkkk AM I CHANGINGGGGGNOOOOOOOOO
I wanted to be really famous and be like internationally known and popular but I'm not sure anymore. I mean how will my kids grow up if their father has that kinda status. And why should people even know me, is that really important? I wanna change the world, but I can do that anonymously too. One of the silent forces driving the whole damn world towards the right direction. Many people are doing that already so maybe I'll just join em. But dang it'd be nice to be famous. BUT I think I'd rather not have that.
About kids again, I'll make sure my kids know what its like to suffer and to make tough choices and to have to work for what they want, so they won't grow up to be spoilt brats and so they'll be able to empathize with the less fortunate and be good people and we can all sit around a table and do good things and like, yaknow, move the world together. Haha move. What a choice of word.
Anyway I was feeling hardworking and decided to upload my alien post-mortem video and stuff, but my old phone ain't got no batt no more cos it ballooned so I threw it away. Now my card reader is hanging on me, so looks like its another 3 years before the video goes up.
In the meantime, other nonsense:
Whoops don't have my video converting software. Later then haha.
The hose was having an... Let's leave it at that cos I know you know, yaknow?
This was taken about a week before I started my new medication I think. Oh wait! I never had any medication! That explains everything... Btw the music just happened to be playing haha seriously.
Alien autopsy soon. Gotta figure a way of getting the file off my M2 card.
Someone decided to be funny and folded the paper so it'd look that way.
Bus.
Important lessons from Burlesque: (haha)
Opportunities have a lifespan
Guys are assholes
Girls can be naive
Eyeliner is sexy
You'll only get what you want if you go all out for it
Please wear a bra
Comin' up soon: YouTube videos you could and maybe should watch, some awesome workout routines, a facial care routine that I think can work, WHY I DID NOT GET AN IPHONE 4 and other nonsense.
Gotta sleep. We all gotta sometimes.
Stay healthy and hydrated and well rested and sufficiently active. SING in the lift but step maintain a floor before yours and walk out like nothing happened.
I'm playing these games, I love them. Spider: Mystery of Bryce Manor (part of your purchase goes to charity how AWESOME IS THAT. And not just any charity, it's Child's Play. I mean, like, Child's Play. Cause of Death. What can I say, I make a great detective. High Noon. I once thought I hated the characters so I won't play the game. I still think the characters look like douchebags but I'm friggin hooked. Osmos: this I wanna play but haven't. Those are all on the iPoop btw.
I started on a four week workout program I saw in Men's Health, only to realize today I kinda misinterpreted a part of it. This is week 2. I've decided, to hell with it, let's just do it my way. Then at the end of the four weeks I'll take a break and then start on the Real thing. I'll share the workout here sometime. A coupla good ones I found.
I gotta spend time now thinking and doing stuff for my further education because I didn't do it when I was supposed to. I.e. in school. I didn't kill myself to get good grades (I know I would've died). But I sure as hell don't regret how I spent my time. I look back at my school days and I think, geez that was a lotta fun. I've got lotsa good memories and remember lots and LOTS of things from school. I take it that was my time to be young and foolish and careless and make stupid mistakes. Now that I'm semi-grown up (not really) and I've had all the schoolfun I wanted to have, I can be serious about the things I wanna and needa do.
I wish I could post so many pictures here but its a hassle to upload 'em from my phone. I mean I gotta plug here plug there ah shit phone's right in front of me but cable's in the bag. Dayumn. Just when I thought 'Hey its quite achievable after all!' Here's stuff already in the com:
I only see one word, PEDO.
One word: moulage.
The world around me is disgusting. Not always, but noticeable enough. I read somewhere about this fella who tried to change the world then couldn't so instead tried to change his country but failed. Moved down the line to town to family before realizing, on his deathbed, that maybe if he had just changed himself first he could have changed everything else. I'm changing myself, I don't know whether to hope to see everything else change, or to say I don't see much changing around me. Something to ponder about another time. Font test next. If you play CoD you'll see the link.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you. I hate you! I hate you!
Intro: I've been unusually sleepy today, though I guess the nonsense exercise I did in the morning is partly to blame. This post is going to be very. Very. Long. So I've separated it into paragraphs, each with colour-coded headings (applause from audience). Where possible, I'll use more bullet points than long paragraphs (hearty laughter from audience).
LAST NIGHT THONG IRON MAN FASHION PROTEST FORGANIZATED PRAISES SKIN
How convenient, a phrase to remember it all! Last night, dressed in nothing but a thong/Iron Man wore a thong in the name of fashion, to protest the forganizated praises he had been hearing about his skin.
LAST NIGHT I spent a lot of time finetuning my com's skinz. You can read about that in the last Chapter (hahaha), SKIN. I was done for the night, it being - OH WAIT! I FORGOT! I went to the living room for awhile, cos I was waiting for the com to load something. THEN, I decided to eat! If you were paying attention, you'd noticed that at that point, I hadn't blogged.
So anyway about eating first. Digestives and milk. Cold. Haha. - I like Digestives - I don't really like them plain - I dip 'em in stuff - Milk or Milo - Optimal dipping time is such that the biscuit begins to sink. This can be observed if you chuck the whole damn thing into a container of sufficient size, wherein your Soak of choice rests. It is at this point that the biscuit is soft enough to break off and sorta crumble, without you biting too hard. Any softer and I'd feel like some geezer.
I ate, I was no longer Hungary, I went back to the computer and decided to blog. It being the first time in a long time I blogged unhungry. - Computer started lagging - Hung on me I was this close to getting medieval wit' it, but I realized computers don't feel no paiiin. So I held back, bit my lip, then decided to shut the damn thing off. And I went to bed, and promptly fell asleep. Knocked out.
And just so you know, I had a slice of bread with approx. 83 grams of tuna flakes in olive oil, at around 1130pm.
THONG Not skimpy wear, but 'song' when you have no teeth/an ulcer/a lisp. I'm posting the link again cos I don't think it worked the last time, I really can't figure out why.
I've decided I'm gonna leave it as it is. So that's the final cut of it.
IRON MAN (!!!) Every time I say/think of Iron Man my heart stops beating awhile my head spins I lose sensation in my limbs and I go limp. I wish I could properly describe to you how I feel about Iron Man *half-faints* but once again I'm faced with the deeply unsettling mental grind of converting the ineffable to a comprehensible formation of letters. That's the irony, its ineffable, yet it has to be effed.
I think it could go on for paragraphs, but I feel this truncated version should give you a remote idea of my sentiments: IT. IS. EFFING. EFFING. EFFINGGGG. COOOOOLLLL!!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I kinda considered comparing it to something else, something more, um, intimate. But I have better sense than that, HUZZAH!
MY FAVOURITE PART OF THE TRAILER! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Iron Man and War Machine stand kinda back to back, masks up. Lotsa mean robots around them. They coolly survey the scene. Then CHINK CHINK their masks close in rapid succession AND I FRICKING GO INTO CONVULSIONS AND ITS LIKE I'M IN HEAVEN BUT I KNOW I'M NOT BUT ITS SO AWFULLY GOOD MY HEART'S OUT OF CONTROL I'M A LITTLE BOY ONCE MORE THIS WAS EVERYTHING COOL IN LESS THAN A SECOND I think I jizzed. In. Mahpants. Hahahahha sorry couldn't resist.
If you want 2 minutes of bliss, click here. That's the official trailer on YouTube. My blog is wholly unworthy to act as a surrogate source for something so divine, shining, so purely magnificent and opulent and gilded and exalted and I could go on. Iron Man 2. I can hardly wait. I now have a reason to live. Haaahahaha.
FASHION I cannot CANNOT wait for the day when I finally draw a good salary and have enough to totally support myself and my family. That will be when I go out and get all the things I think I should have, that I should wear. I'm so damn particular about looking sharp, but I'm kinda holding back. While it may be within my means to get all that I want now, I can't help but feel a twang of guilt. Tired to elaborate, so let's just wait till I make about 40k. A day. Ameen! Since we're all in such a holy mood now, I pray that all of you see success in life, achieve your ambitions, and are led along a blessed path. Ameen. If you're my friend then you should know that I love you a lot.
Right, fashion. I was looking through some sites, some whatevers, then did some (highly amateurish) sketches of my own, and I realized that its kinda easy (not easy like one plus one is two, but like running for fifteen minutes). Its kinda fixed, I guess, what guys can wear. That's why designers started crossing over to the ladies' side. A lot of that is actually quite cool, but when you see guys walking around with a piece of their translucent curtain ripped and draped over their tank-top clad bodies, you start to wonder...
Only then did I realize why so many guys design for ladies (the first person I think of is Nabil who is fking talented, and cool beyond description. I think I should head over there and post that now. Read PRAISES for an explanation), because with the women, the possibilities are endless! The human body is amazing, but the female body is a work of art. A naked man is nice to stare at if he's at least fit, and has a cloth draped across his groin. A naked woman is artistic no matter how plump she is (think art from ancient Rome. Ain't no anorexic things there).
Most minds are biased towards curves. Which is why Mac OS is a hell lot sexier than Windows. But ANYWAY. With women there are so many frickin' possibilities that its one helluva challenge. So it takes lotsa skill to produce and physically create something that turns heads, or at least looks good. Aaand you can create so many wonderful looking images and concepts that would otherwise be super difficult/impossible to pull of on a man's body. Like the dress Joanne Peh wore to the whatever awards. I chanced upon the photo at the back of the newspaper, and the dress was really nice. From an aesthetic perspective, all halalness out of the equation.
PROTEST My Gillette Fusion Power shaver has FIVE. FRICKING. BLADES. And one small one at the back. I'm starting to feel really ridiculous using this damn thing, however comfortable it might be. I came across a website detailing the battle between Gillette and Schick, and how they upped the number of blades just to show who's more badass. If a six-bladed shaver comes out, I'll switchover to a kitchen knife.
So anyway I'm kinda protesting silently against my... inanimate shaver. I've got a distant semblance of a goatee now. Sample:
And so in protest, I won't shave it. Then it'll start to annoy me and I'll hack it all off.
FORGANIZATED No more nude photos on my blog. Nor my wordpress nor tumblr nor anywhere else. Hahahahh well I don't exactly appear nude in the photos, just shirtles, but (I've said this before, I remember) in H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds he described himself as 'naked' - cos he didn't have a shirt on.
- There are a heck lot of daaaamn good bodies out there everywhere for you to look at - Mine isn't that impressive, I should stop acting like everyone wants to see it - I think I'm maturing cos I look back now and go... eww? - I guess it might come across as showing off. I hate showing off.
So anyway my tumblr will be left for whatever random shit happens, whilst my wordpress will be my obscure literary asylum. Where I post linguistic works, and where I rant. You won't like the rants. In fact, you might just wanna keep away from my WP. Did that have a reverse-psychology effect? Cos I wasn't intending to reverse anyone psycho.
PRAISES When I have good things to say about people, I'll just bloody say it. Why hold back? I like it when people say nice things to me, and since I figured I can be nice without risking a violent biological reaction, I'll be nice.
SKIN - My super nearly completed album art collection. I'm hardworking. - I got this app that hides the icons of programs on the taskbar. Supposed to make things cleaner and whatnot, but I think I'll undo it. - The yucky yellow folder is now the suave black Folder - Other icons shanged - Tre Fratelli is the name of our iPoop aka iTouch u& uTouch me back. Ok eww. God knows why its listed as a camera... stupid machines. - Top right: and app called CDArt display. Its sexy, and allows me to control iTunes with the keyboard, even when iTunes runs in the background. - My computer is sexayyy. Er. By the day. Sexayyyer by the day.
Dear Blogger, please increase the size for your Create A Post thing. Its too small and crampy and I'm claustrophobic. Kthxbye.
Outro: I know I said I had a tuna sandwich... but I'm hungry again. I don't even eat a lot!! I'm speechless. Its a spellll of sorts that I'm under. Blogging = okay. Nearing end of blogpost = hungry. DigestivesandmilkhereIcome!!!
Time check: 2:37 AM Reality check: ITS FKING LATE Use less salt in your cooking and if you're eating out, DEMAND that they use only the bare minimum. Better still, ask for no salt, then season your food with your own sweat. Its organic, healthy, and completely sensible. STAY SHARP, yall.
Well anyways I was watching Singapore Talking, and boy did someone keep going off topic with all his 'feeder bus' and 'public transport' talk. I considered calling in, but with that geezer around? Nah I didn't wanna have anything to do with what was going on on TV. Which was why I started making fun of them all and not-pay attention. The crackpot in the blue shirt? You know, the fella who owns a car but 'hate driving in the congested roads. I hate to find the parking lot'. Yeah that Genius. After making a stupid semi-point he gives a stupid face. Squashes everything together and flattens his mouth in a failed attempt at a wide grin; I could almost hear him go 'Hnggggg'. Ask me and I'd re-enact for you.
What I would've said anyways was, that if Lynn could 'wait for the right time' to buy a car, it just means she can WAIT. And if you can WAIT it means you don't NEED IT, so don't fucking talk so much and just NOT buy a car. Also, I think this whole car issue has got to do with the Singaporean Lifestyle. Its rush here rush there let's all get on the train and stand near the doors cos I don't wanna miss a thing. Even when I dream of you the sweetest dream will never do, cos I'm in the train baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing. Btw this is for all you morons out there:
You get the picture; its all this hushy rushy thang that's got us (except me) worked up (yet insufficiently worked out) and wanting to get somewhere quickly. Just pop a coupla chill pills and relaxxxxx. Take it slow and easy, don't be going about things like you're gonna die or something. Cos if you are, then you really ought not to be trying to get on a train. Araknow but personally, if I knew I was gonna die, I'd wanna do holy stuff and whatever. Commutation would be lost somewhere at the bottom of my list.
Anyway I'd like to share some videos I enjoyed; in my usual fashion I'd go ahead and embed the thangs but somehow I feel I'm not up to the task now. No, not today. So instead I'll serve you up with This and Thiss and Thisss.
This: Moosebutter's version of John William's Star Wars theme. Thiss: A whole damn CHOIR singing that song. Thisss: This one guy's cover of a Flight of the Conchord's songs. Attention to lyrics please.
Its funny that after almost 20 years in my body I'm still not accustomed to it. Sometimes my throat hurts when I talk, and my blocked ears can get pretty darned irritating especially when I sing. Cos then everytime I hit certain notes the sound just reverberates in my whole damn head and it sucks. Its been a super long time since my nasal passages have been clear. Like whoosh clear you know, blow air in one nostril and my brains will come out the other.
But I'm thinking, if its all me, its mine, then surely I can control it in some way. People can meditate to slow or even stop their hearts for awhile, cancel away pain and whatever. I guess this implies that my 'problems' can be Willed away? I'll only find out after 26.5 days of Willing, cos you know, that's standard Will principles. "The mentalifyingness of it all is a true cycle." Yes yes we've all heard that line a million times, come on there must be something else you fellas could tell us!
I totally agree with you then when you suggest we port the tachyon boosters, because they really get in the way of multiplanes. I mean isn't it pretty obvious by now that interstellar travel is only secondary to quantic fross? Sheesh, Diplomaticas. I expected Moar. Hah that was a brilliant pun, no?
Lol I wish I could write like that about real life stuff. Hah yeah stop scratching your head/huh-hing/wo'eva. And just for kicks, here's my current FB profile pic. Did yall notice the amateur editing hahaha. Is it familiar? Yes it is, to me.
I'm up to my nonsense again but thank God for Tumblr. Now I can get my fix and you can stay alive. Before I go, congratulations to all my Man Friends (HAHAHAHAH too tempting to resist typing it that way) who're where they want to be in NS. But wherever you are, its undeniable that I have more respect for you now. The shit you've been through while I've been living a heck of a good life? Now that's something. This whole NS thing really makes you grow.
Growing. That's one thing I like. And a quick one: I think its at this point in our lives where our friends really change the most and people go out and be the people they're probably gonna be for the rest of their lives. You make more friends, everyone knows about ninja company, once jerks are probably less jerks or even nice people, some of 'em are going cool places, and you think about some people in a different way, realize someone's talents, find out someone did something hella cool, maybe even see people where you'd least expect them. Public toilet 2nd last cubicle. Hahahahhahahahaha where'd THAT come from.
I wanted to talk about my first run in 8109384203 gajillion millin million years but I think the post's long enough. I'm hungry. Why the HECK does it always have to end like this...
Use a moisturizer for your face and never underestimate the power offff SUNBLOCK. Neutrogena Moisture has both! Get it now for onl- right you get it. If you're still alive then LIVE IT UP!
'Tis what? Oh, a post! OH! A POST! I'm baaaaack. Betcha missed me! Hmm? Oh you- I don't think you heard my questi- oh... so, um... no? Not even a teeny tiny bit? I- I see, uh, well, *ahem* now that's, uh, you know... But really? Lik- yeah I was about to talk about something else anyway so its cool.
'Tis was a most eventful week. I did not complete everything I set out to do though, yet to run the 2.4, finish the story and get new speakers. The lattest is understandable, such things take time cannot be rushed needa look around for My Perfect Speakers.
'Tis was a most wonderful week, I found so much more time than I thought existed. I realized, when I'm sitting around, I tend to go Tech to fill the void. Turn the computer on, thinking I might get something done, play the iPoop, wo'eva. But consciously avoiding these things! Now that was fun and interesting and like an early semi-Ramadhan. Its there but no touchy. Other people might be eating (I choose to think of it as post-Ramadhan period, the Puasa Enam Marathon) but you gotta noteat.
'Tis a fact every sentence has started with 'tis and I'll keep it up whether it makes sense or not. Alas I couldn't stay completely tech-free, with things to attend to and such. I considered ignoring the Sultan of Brunei's call but he's been such a wonderful friend, I couldn't just leave the phone to ring. Turns out he really needed to know something, so the short call was wervvit after all.
'Tis was interesting how I could still manage to SLEEP LATE a few times, it being Sleep Early Week. I gotta work on that. Now would be a good time to start but ohh come onnn I'm in the middle of a post. It. Cereal. Not.
'Tis was 'tis 'time 'tat I gotted the times to thinks abouts things. And the age-old Family Thang came up again. On Saturday I gymmed with Shifu Zul. After eating and praying it was approaching 8. And on the train home I was called from home (haha) to join my family at Pastamania cos sooomebody felt like having Pastamania for Pastadinner. So I was all Good Family Guy Of Course I'll Join You Even Though I'm Full and eventually looked forward to it. Eventually = 10 mins.
'Tis but when we finally sat down everyone started to show their irritating behaviour; I did my best to be patient and it helped that I was really tired, and that at least Fahim was behaving rather normally (yeah WOW. Maybe cos he wanted to go there in the first place, so why be a pain in the arse?). Every now and then someone had to do something really annoying and I'd have a hard time figuring out how to react appropriately.
'Tis was a good night anyway, overall, especially the parts where everyone was really EATING and not doing something while eating. Like talking or whatnot. Come to think of it we're not really the eating kinda family. Food is food, we don't go all out to MAKAN (gosh I hate that word now, how everyone says it even if its the ONLY. FRIGGING. MALAY WORD they know. FUCK YOU AND YOUR MAKANS) so often, and are quite easily satisfied. Once in awhile someone might crave something but the person will not go crazy. Anyway. (and one last time. Fuck all you people who only know how to eat eat eat eateat EAT. If that's your priority in life, if that's all you can be proud of, your huge belly and your stupid mouth and all the food you've eaten, and your lack of etiquette, then, really, with all my heart... fuck. you. Hahahhahahah that felt so awsm. Oops. Am I allowed to use the a-word? What happened to the season pass, how much is that?)
'TIS anyways, I started thinking about my family again. YES. I. LOVE. THEM. Nobody can deny that, especially me, since I know Fawaz inside-out more than he would like me to know, and more. Buuuuut then! There's always a butt, see. Buttsy. Butt to see.
'TIS ANYWAY! If I'm annoyed, it means I'm processing things the wrong way. People can give anything they want, that's external and you can't control it. A man can punch me and I can either take it and bleed and cry or I can get all Aikido and use his force to hurt himself OR. I can just avoid it and still stand there smiling. Same with the people at home. It dawned on me like a SLAP! from Beyond, and I almost ouch-ed. Its my fault when I get unhappy, its my fault I sometimes hate them so much. Its all because I'm taking things the wrong way. So that's where I gotta learn to manage the incoming bullshit, when it happens.
'Tis also a second point. They're family, we're related, I'm a genetic-inheritance vessel. What nonsense they possess I either possess in similar amounts, smaller amounts, or have suppressed. Which means I'm as capable as being as Merepek as them. Which ALSO means if I can't stop the rubbish within me, I can stop it within them. It just takes time, and we all know with time people grow up, and into the environment. As long as I take control of all the controllable aspects of our life, I can very much control how my family turns out in the long run. If I keep pissin' and moaning about this and that, they might not know, but they'll slowly feel it. Cos your thoughts are not as unfeelable as you think, and they got them Mind Vibes that be spillin' and can cause some serious trippin'.
'Tis so as long as I keep myself in check and set the 'good' example, things will eventually fall into place. They will grow out of their weaknesses, and we'll smooth out the rough edges and one day, fit perfectly well with each other's characters. Of course things don't always go as planned, but you gotta have faith man, Faith is Fun, and whatever happens, I would always prefer to know I did my best than wonder what would've happened if I had been a better person. This isn't self-blame, maybe not so much taking all the responsibility upon my shoulders and my shoulders only; rather it is doing what I'm capable of and what I can and should since everyone else doesn't seem to wanna do it. If I'm gonna rule the world I gotta start here. Hah.
'Tis also a sheesh-ing realization that people are still afraid for me. I'm growing up and looking forward to growing more, I'm very confident I can take care of myself and I'm mature enough to not get my ass whooped/screw up big time/be left groping in the dark, moist with long-time flowing tears of despair and loneliness. Soon I'll be in the Civil Defence, and people are already behaving like their 5-yr old is going on his first school camp, where he'll spend two whopping nights in school. What have I got to say about that? What the fuck have I got to say about that? This: Thanks for loving me so much, for who I am, and despite all that I am.
'Tis only been one lesson and already I'm freaked out. Firstly lemme say I love my students already, they're an incredible bunch, and I'm gonna do all that I can to make sure you get all that you can get from me. The freaky part is how Every. Single. One. Of them. Reminds me of someone. I'm not kidding. A lot of them LOOK so familiar, and that's strange enough. I cannot begin to describe the feeling that crept through me as the lessone proceeded. The wtf?! Its like I know you from somewhere, but I'm not sure I was there to begin with! I'm not joking, I'm really not, and the more I think of it the more I want to stop thinking about it because its so frustrating and weird and wow, I don't know. Just stop.
'Tis for the record that I tell you know how Tech-Free Week ended sliiiightly prematurely but only temporarily. Hahahah a short-term ending. I walked into the masterbedroom, the TV was on. Oh wait:
Note to self: if its a Thursday night and Bapak hollers at me in an urgent voice, from his room, to 'faster come here', its cos there's an Indian abomination of a Western icon of evil, a horror story unintentionally turned comedy. Farce. Shit. On TV, and its totally worth the sprint. Wtf man Indians, come on lah, why're yall so Goddamned LAME. WHOA WHOA WHOA hold your horses I'M INDIAN so I'll continue. I'll make a list of your shit sometime soon. But credit where credit's due, Indians are effing geniuses. You'd know if you know me CEYYYYYYYY k cut it out Fawaz people are leaving. Oh someone threw up. Well done, Doctor Says-all-the-right-things.
'Tis being Tech-Free Week I usually ignore or innocently look then silently chastize myself when I realize the sin I'm committing. But then. The TV was on, and on the TV, was Hairspray. HAHAHHAHA on the TV, I like how that sentence turned out. Bloody Hairspray. So I didn't give a shit about no technology, and I sat down to watch. But awhile later I got hungry and after eating forgot all about Hairspray. So ends my uneventful eventful premature semi-termination of what would've been, should've been, and well yeah was, in fact, a heck of an as-close-to-primitive-without-being-too-uncomfortable-as-I-can-get week. No strike that, the reasons for going 'tech-free' were: 1) Screen-staring. Bad for you. 2) Alternative entertainment. 3) See how much time could be freed. 4) Check if I was addicted. 5) Remind myself I am, in no way, addicted. 6) See if I felt like an addict anyway. 7) Do something new because like faith, Change is FUN!
'Tis that said, next week will be No Bathing Week. Oh the freedom, I can already smell it! Mmmm, and taste it... salty? Cinnamonny too, with a dash of Savoury to line the Sweet.
'Tis a joke. The Next Week will only start next week, because, technically, this week has started, and I don't wanna start a Week when a week's already been started, and has been in progress for 2 hours and 39 minutes. That all made sense you know, please read it again I'm proud of it.
'Tis time to stop, methinks. Till next time, take care and get your Omega-6. Fish-oil pill every morning, start now you won't regret. Bin doin' it? Well done, you!
'Tis and as always, I'll be watching, with my eyes my ears and my mind, whether you like IT or not, where IT = Information Technology. I'm still watching BYE
